Dating is Stupid.
(I’ve been working on this blog entry intermittently for about a month now, and “stupid” is the best description of dating I can think of)
Yes, stupid. I should know. I've played several games of "Date the Boy to See if He's Right for You." I've tried dating here and there, since I was 15, and by doing so I have found that the only sure way of finding that true connection is by doing anything but dating.
Now, now. Hold on. Let me explain.
Okay, so you say... isn't dating a good way to practice? Isn't it a good way to find out what you want and don't want in a potential mate?
The straight-up honest answer: Yes. Yes, you will certainly find out what you already know you don’t want in a guy/girl. That's a guarantee. If you want to take a long, meaningless, waste-of-time detour that does nothing but rip you from your smooth journey of finding that perfect person---then go for it.
Dating is a game, people. And that means somebody must lose. The pressure is on both sides to come out victorious. You are not in your right mind! You're just trying to impress the other person. Yes, both of you may be honest and true to yourselves, but you are magnifying yourselves 100x and playing up your good side--only to be disappointed in the end. Yes, the end.
The guy will treat the girl for the first several dates out of obligation (or for sex). The girl will act sweet and innocent and appreciative out of obligation (or for sex). They'll act playful and show their sense of humor (an absolute must at the top of that "criteria list"). That's what everyone does on dates, right? Gotta get that part out of the way, it's a crucial step of the dating process that a couple-to-be (or not-to-be) must never skip over. Oh, the sweet satisfaction of filling in that mental checklist with check marks. Sense of humor? Check. Cute smile? Check. Doesn't talk too much? Check. The one? Not sure yet, I'll get back to you.
So, the first several dates are a warm up, an introduction to Jane's sweet side and John's sensitive side. They both passed the first interview, made their first impression, and now it's time to show their true colors. This is where we find out months (or weeks) later that Jane and John were not meant to be.
Jane reaffirms that she isn't into men who part their greasy hair down the middle like Moses parting the
Waste of time and money. Why bother taking the time and frustrating effort of looking for somebody as if you are walking down the aisles of a grocery store shopping without a shopping list? Your chances are better the moment you walk out of Ralph’s and just let go. Go grab some Chipotle and don’t worry about it.
Take my parents, for example:
They were friends at work for a couple years until they started seeing each other. They already took the steps of getting to know each other and--get this—they never experienced the pressure they would have had if they started off with dating. Yes, they both had mini-crushes on each other, but whenever one of them was single, the other was dating somebody else. So, they never expected to be anything more than friends. And that's how they fell in love!
Their friendship accomplished what dating could never do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no Mother Theresa or Jesus. I don't necessarily practice what I preach. Actually, I have to admit, I am dating someone right now. I have my checklist in mind and he's doing damn well. I just wish I knew him before there was any pressure of a relationship. I’d much rather be friends with someone and truly know them, and then realize I love them in a silly, ordinary moment that tells me I loved them all along.
I know the difference between falling for someone who you've gotten to know in a real, down-to-earth, genuine way; rather than being infatuated with someone, hoping to get to the point where you can be yourself, and then finally getting to know them in that real, down-to-earth, genuine sort of way.
Dating is like shoe shopping. You go in thinking you know what kind of shoes you are looking for, because you saw them in the JCPenny catalog. It’s the pair of heels that will go perfect with any outfit, they will be the envy of your friends, and your mom will think they’re adorable. But then you get there and you find all kinds of other shoes and start wondering if you really wanted those heels in the first place. You try about twenty or thirty pairs on; flat, tall, black, brown, white, shiny, leather, etc. Oh it was fun alright. But it was exhausting and you realize you were right all along. You didn’t have to try on all those other shoes to find out what you already knew you wanted.
I recently read a dating blog, in which someone wrote:
There is something sad about going on a few dates with a
guy and realizing he isn't for you.
It means it's back to "being out there."
You sigh as you think: "How many more losers do I have
to date until I find the one?"
Honey, read my blog. I'm going to try and kiss meaningless dating goodbye, I've wasted too much time looking (probably not much compared to most people); but I'm proud to say I've kept the most precious thing I could give to my husband. What is it? Eh'm... that’s for him to find out.
P.S. Remember, anyone can comment =)
