Why Dating Is Stupid

Dating is Stupid.

(I’ve been working on this blog entry intermittently for about a month now, and “stupid” is the best description of dating I can think of)

Yes, stupid. I should know. I've played several games of "Date the Boy to See if He's Right for You." I've tried dating here and there, since I was 15, and by doing so I have found that the only sure way of finding that true connection is by doing anything but dating.

Now, now. Hold on. Let me explain.

Okay, so you say... isn't dating a good way to practice? Isn't it a good way to find out what you want and don't want in a potential mate?

The straight-up honest answer: Yes. Yes, you will certainly find out what you already know you don’t want in a guy/girl. That's a guarantee. If you want to take a long, meaningless, waste-of-time detour that does nothing but rip you from your smooth journey of finding that perfect person---then go for it.

Dating is a game, people. And that means somebody must lose. The pressure is on both sides to come out victorious. You are not in your right mind! You're just trying to impress the other person. Yes, both of you may be honest and true to yourselves, but you are magnifying yourselves 100x and playing up your good side--only to be disappointed in the end. Yes, the end.

The guy will treat the girl for the first several dates out of obligation (or for sex). The girl will act sweet and innocent and appreciative out of obligation (or for sex). They'll act playful and show their sense of humor (an absolute must at the top of that "criteria list"). That's what everyone does on dates, right? Gotta get that part out of the way, it's a crucial step of the dating process that a couple-to-be (or not-to-be) must never skip over. Oh, the sweet satisfaction of filling in that mental checklist with check marks. Sense of humor? Check. Cute smile? Check. Doesn't talk too much? Check. The one? Not sure yet, I'll get back to you.

So, the first several dates are a warm up, an introduction to Jane's sweet side and John's sensitive side. They both passed the first interview, made their first impression, and now it's time to show their true colors. This is where we find out months (or weeks) later that Jane and John were not meant to be.

Jane reaffirms that she isn't into men who part their greasy hair down the middle like Moses parting the Red Sea. And John remembers that he forgot he can't stand women who try to act cute when they sneeze by halfway holding it in.

Waste of time and money. Why bother taking the time and frustrating effort of looking for somebody as if you are walking down the aisles of a grocery store shopping without a shopping list? Your chances are better the moment you walk out of Ralph’s and just let go. Go grab some Chipotle and don’t worry about it.

Take my parents, for example:

They were friends at work for a couple years until they started seeing each other. They already took the steps of getting to know each other and--get this—they never experienced the pressure they would have had if they started off with dating. Yes, they both had mini-crushes on each other, but whenever one of them was single, the other was dating somebody else. So, they never expected to be anything more than friends. And that's how they fell in love!

Their friendship accomplished what dating could never do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no Mother Theresa or Jesus. I don't necessarily practice what I preach. Actually, I have to admit, I am dating someone right now. I have my checklist in mind and he's doing damn well. I just wish I knew him before there was any pressure of a relationship. I’d much rather be friends with someone and truly know them, and then realize I love them in a silly, ordinary moment that tells me I loved them all along.

I know the difference between falling for someone who you've gotten to know in a real, down-to-earth, genuine way; rather than being infatuated with someone, hoping to get to the point where you can be yourself, and then finally getting to know them in that real, down-to-earth, genuine sort of way.

Dating is like shoe shopping. You go in thinking you know what kind of shoes you are looking for, because you saw them in the JCPenny catalog. It’s the pair of heels that will go perfect with any outfit, they will be the envy of your friends, and your mom will think they’re adorable. But then you get there and you find all kinds of other shoes and start wondering if you really wanted those heels in the first place. You try about twenty or thirty pairs on; flat, tall, black, brown, white, shiny, leather, etc. Oh it was fun alright. But it was exhausting and you realize you were right all along. You didn’t have to try on all those other shoes to find out what you already knew you wanted.

I recently read a dating blog, in which someone wrote:

There is something sad about going on a few dates with a
guy and realizing he isn't for you.
It means it's back to "being out there."
You sigh as you think: "How many more losers do I have
to date until I find the one?"

Honey, read my blog. I'm going to try and kiss meaningless dating goodbye, I've wasted too much time looking (probably not much compared to most people); but I'm proud to say I've kept the most precious thing I could give to my husband. What is it? Eh'm... that’s for him to find out.

P.S. Remember, anyone can comment =)

BEST Christmas party ever

So me and my group of besties had our 3rd annual Christmas bash. We're such grown ups, with our little traditions of bringing appetizers, playing games, and of course having a few beverages. We have our specialties... Vee brings her famous wantons, I bring the stuffed tomatoes, Mariana with her empanadas, Kayla's artichoke dip, etc. I think Katie and Tristan's specialty should continue with the Jell-O shots.

One of the highlights of the night...

playing Partini: in this part of the game everyone had to write down something about me with an "I have..." statement. PRICELESS...




Other highlights of the night:

-FOOD
-cry fest 2008
-trying to call Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Round Table, and Little Caesars at 4am
-staying up until 6:30am
-playing Partini
-white elephant gift exchange... stealing my Disaronno and Jagermeister back from Hideki :)
-Jell-O shots
-"you just have to finger it"
-making quesadillas with bean dip "quesadilla pizza" or "cheessdtoy."
-7 minute drunken video with kelly
-EDAMAME
-Kelly predicting that we were going to get "caught" by mariana
-getting "caught" by mariana... big trouble, game over, cutthroat

My Great-ful Day (I would...)

Thanksgiving was a little different this year.

Like always, I have a lot to be grateful for. I am thankful for my friends, and was glad to be able to communicate that through sending and receiving plenty of text messages and a few hilarious phone calls (Sammie pretending she was me when Manny called, drunken call from NYC [I won't name names!], and "Pops" in Montana).

I was especially happy to share the company of 3 new people joining us at the dinner table: My brother's girlfriend Joslyn, her brother Jordan, and my baby nephew Jase.

It always amazes me how neat it is to have new people come into your life out of nowhere. As soon as they become a part of your life, you just can't imagine life without them. People can REALLY change your life. For example, it's sad to think that I could have lived life without ever knowing Joslyn or her brother; something as simple as Jonathan never asking Joslyn on a date would have obliterated any chance of me knowing her. Don't even get me started on thinking about Jase never being born.

I could have easily decided to go to SDSU after graduating high school. I am sure I would have met great people there and confident I would be able to call someone over there a best friend. However, a part of me strongly believes that those I've met as a result of choosing to go to CSUF are better than anybody else I could have possibly met elsewhere. I've had such great people come into my life, that I don't ever wonder who I could have met or what life would be like if I were somewhere else. And as I attempt to imagine life right now in another location, I just feel sad... which brings me to the conclusion that I am happy where I am right now, the people I am proud to call friends, and the opportunities soon to come as I prepare for the next adventure in life--grad school.

Well, that's my philosophical reflection of the day, triggered by the holiday and a few glasses of wine at the dinner table.

Now for some photographs that summerize the day and those I LOVE SO MUCH...

The "kids"...



Grandpa wishes he had this hair... ewww



The handsome gents...



The beautiful ladies...



DINNER...









Sammie piggin' out...



Ha Ha.



GREAT Grandma!


Cousins


LOVE <3 src="http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d174/hltripper/100_1219.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0">

Mom, Dad, and Jordan


Aunt and Uncle

blog hiatus

I've been on blog recess due to the extreme pressures of school and finding myself behind on everything... utterly impossible to catch up.

I am drowning in papers and reading and my eyes are about to explode from staring at the computer screen all day.

I am taking a momentary break to let you know that very soon, when I have resentfully given in to the work that is required to earn a degree and ultimately my graduate degree, I will tell you why all the learning outside of class has been the most valuable learning experience in my 5 years of college.

Until then, wish me luck. Hope for my tension headache to scram. Keep me in your thoughts as I go back into hiding. :)

Ahhhhh I have been missing this.

A Note to All Readers...

Good news! Well, it's not exactly "news" considering this is old information. However, it may be "news" to YOU...

Anyone can comment on blog posts--even non-members of Blogger.com!

I have recieved verbal comments, Facebook comments, and MySpace messages commenting on my blogs... and that's fine! Any comment is a good comment.

A conversation with a friend yesterday:

Friend: Holly, I've been reading your blogs and think they're great! I wanted to comment but I couldn't 'cause you have to be a member and I didn't feel like signing up.

Holly: Really? Thanks! But you don't have to be a member of Blogger to comment on blog posts!

So, unknown readers, my message to you today... comment, comment, and comment some more! Comment ANONYMOUSLY, non-anonymously, or as a member.

It's good to know when our blogs make sense, when they don't make sense, when they're stupid, or when a reader really connects with your writing. It means the world to us bloggers, it feeds our "writer's ego" and makes us not only want to write more, but to write better!

:)

P.S. COMING SOON...

• When You Say, "F&@! the Police"...
• My 3 "Types" of Friends
• Grad School Application Process = A Part-Time Job
• Why Dating is Stupid
• What the---Student Affairs? What's That?
• "Blogging" is a Nerdy Word!
• My Political Stances--You May Be Surprised!
• Campus Tours, Working With Plumbers, and Running a Building
• and more...
  

What is Sometime Around Midnight?

Yes, there is a reason for the title of my blog. And yes, it is also the title of a song... a very good song by The Airborne Toxic Event. I recommend you listen to it on iTunes if you haven't heard it yet.

Sometime Around Midnight...

-Anytime between 11:00pm and 2:00am.
-Prime time for deep thought and reflection.
-Sometimes, the hours around midnight can be extremely lonely.
-Other times, you are surrounded by the of best friends.
-Midnight can bring extreme joy when you're...

• dancing at a club in Hollywood, and finding the most random bars in L.A.
• sipping a glass of sangria with a friend during the summer.
• watching a movie with family, warm and cozy by the fire, on a chilly winter evening.
• at a Jack In the Box or Taqueria De Anda drive-thru after an adventurous night on the town.
• ice cold in New York City, tipsy, feet killing you, but you keep going because you and your friends are retracing your steps from the night before and looking for the "count up" sign.
• playing Mad Gab, Apples to Apples, Taboo and sipping on "doodles" while yelling out answers and arguing whether she said "debit" or "debt."

-But midnight will also bring extreme sadness when you're alone on New Year's, if you can't sleep because you're longing to be with the one you love or someone you miss, you're stuck on the 57 fwy with a flat tire, or when you're working on 10 page paper or studying for an exam the next day.
-The sudden inspiration to write often occurs sometime around midnight.

Midnight is a pivotal time. It's really odd if you think about it. You're moving into the future, into another day that still hasn't seen the light of day. You're in between a day that you have lived and are continuing, and continuing into the next day that you have yet to complete. You have the opportunity to catch a glimpse into the next 24 hours. In a way, you have a head start.

Midnight is when I take the most risks. When I am home around midnight, sometimes I'll sit on the porch and just think, other times I'll go for a drive and find a vantage point overlooking the city. It's when my senses are the most sensitive. If I were to go outside right now, I could savor the smell of the moist evening air, and the light scent of the plants and roses in the front yard will smell stronger than they do in the daylight.

Midnight... I feel so alive, even in my deadest moments. Therefore, it is naturally the most ideal time for me to blog, because I am inspired and can think with clarity.

It's like Christmas

It is a beautiful, crisp, clear, cool day in October. What a wonderful complement to an incredible moment in life.

Jase is my angel.

I cried today as his mommy and daddy (my brother) took him out for the first time since he came home. He was so cute in his little LA Dodgers beanie cap, and "MVP" onesies. I can't explain why I cried. I just know that as I think about this precious, fragile new life living here in my house, he has suddenly become my whole world. I am so happy for Jonathan (Daddy) and Joslyn (Mommy), I can only imagine the extreme joy they feel. I can see it on their faces. It's like Christmas---but far better!

This baby boy is my world. I am crying as I type this... He is so precious and I never knew how much this would effect me until now. Every time I look at him, tears of joy stream down my face. I think I've done a good job at hiding it ;). I can't stop looking at him, and thinking about the life he has ahead of him.

As Jon carefully strapped Jase into his car seat, Joslyn joined him in the back. The love and care they have for Jase is amazing. Jase has brought out the absolute best in my family over the past week. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders and we can all be happy. We can all share the joy.

I am so happy that Jon, Jos, and Jase are living with us for the time being. I couldn't imagine it any other way. What a blessing. I am so grateful to be able to spend the first year of Jase's life in the same home before I leave for grad school.

Jase has saved me. I'm not numb anymore, I am truly happy right now. :)

I'm running for President!

There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:

http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=46832&altf=Ipmmz&altl=Usjqq

Jot back a note to let me know what you think!

This is How I Write

Once in a while I allow myself to get lost in an imagination that sometimes meets reality. I KNOW it's a bit dramatic, but that is how I write =)

My heart is a delicate flower petal in the hands of a curious child, a descending bubble in a field of dead grass, a helpless spider web in the path of an approaching tornado. It won't take much to damage any further what's left of this tired, unsteady, fragile heart. It hurts. It's painful; I can feel the intense, torturous throbbing that builds up and causes the sensation of tears budding in my eyes.

Echoes of hidden sobs are enveloped in a bubble trapped in my lungs, about to burst out through the vocals. Saliva accumulates around my lips as if I were a dog smelling a juicy slice of raw meat. Yet these moist lips are not the result of an appetite---I couldn't bear to eat right now. It is when the detained sobs finally escape, exploding from my chest, that the liquid drips from my mouth and eyes, all over my pillow. I don't care that my face is stuffed into a soggy pillow covered with smears of black and beige make-up on the white fabric, nor when I realize how pathetic I look curled in a ball while feet spasm uncontrollably like someone with a nervous twitch.

I begin to feel the rippled edges of a sharp knife slowly leaching into my barely beating heart. Yet no red liquid has escaped from my chest, telling me there is no knife. How do I experience this invisible, dreadful pain that reality tells me is not happening? I do feel it when I think about it. The emotional and mental pain is so great that there is no other way to experience this suffering. There is no other variation of tears or crying, no other way of cringing into a ball to contain the pain. The only way to experience this great of a supposed non-physical pain is to actually begin to feel it physically, within the most vital organ of the body. This is the only explanation comparable to the ache I am experiencing. I love someone that doesn't seem to love me back.

And it is quite possible that it is because I am too spineless to tell someone how much I care. It is excruciating not being able to tell a soul in the world; utterly unbearable. I haven't been the same for a few months now. I know people can tell the difference. I'm not the same cheerful, happy, warm Holly. I feel like a blue eyed zombie. I have the soul of an old, bitter, cranky widow. All I want to do is sleep. I avoid my schoolwork, and am so behind it is almost useless to try and catch up.

My eyes haven't been the same, either. They are a clogged bathtub of running water about to reach its capacity. Any heavy object that enters the flooded tub will cause the water to gush over the edge and spill over. That heavy object is quickly approaching and I don't know that I can bear it when it happens. Sometimes I think I am better. But the thought of consciously believing I am better causes me to slip back into thinking about it.

I'm not a romantic, but shit these are real feelings that I never thought I would feel. This feeling of complete vulnerability isn't worth it, even though my heart tells me it is. It's the same heart that endures all this pain... now what in the hell is that supposed to mean?

I need to snap out of it.