April 14, 2009: Part I - Update

Looking for an update? I've been M.I.A. on here, as well as in real life, so here's an update of everything that's happened since February, for those who want to know...

• Went to Texas A&M Feb. 27-28th to interview for grad school/grad assistant - was offered 1-1 match (top choice) position as a grad assistant for Texas A&M's student union programs
• Lost phone, camera, and ID
• Lost school binder
• Lost prescription glasses
• Went to NYC to interview for grad assistanships at NYU - was offered my top choice position as a part-time advisor/orientation programs grad assistant
• Backed into a friend's car in Downtown Fullerton
  
• Car broke down... currently in search of a new car/means of transportation
• Applied for the Amazing Race and made a hilarious audition video
• Got my first passport!
  
• Going to Cancun in May for my graduation present! Can't wait
• Decided to accept the offer at TEXAS A&M... moving there in early August (scared to death)
• Searching for apartments in College Station, TX. Eeeeeek. Crazy times.
• Went to a racetrack for the first time and bet for the first time on Cali Girl #6 (she lost)
• HOLLYWOOD (speeding all the way there, Kress, mansions, sleeping in car, acting like celebrities, seeing/meeting C-list celebrities, creepy pizza people, greasy hot dogs, neverending searches for parking!!!!)
  
• $4 bottles of Andre Champagne (frozen champagne, champagne pong, champagne-soaked purse, champagne in a movie theater, champagne in bathroom, pop champagne)
  
• Basketball games
• Tokyo Delves
• DTF
• Taqueria De Andaaaaaaaa
• Baby Jase is 6 months old!!!!!!!!!
• $5 Footlongs
• All nighters/living in my office

• Anything I'm forgetting? ADD IT IN A COMMENT!!!! :) I want to remember any and all memories from this last semester of college!
  

April 14, 2009: Part II - Fairytales

So, I started the following blog (it's in bold, didn't get too far) waaaay back in September '08 and never got around to finishing my thoughts on this. I don't remember what the moral of it was supposed to be, but I can think of one now. But, SO much has happened since then. I have changed, evolved, and learned so much about myself and about other people...
I once told this really cute guy at a party that I liked Jack Johnson because he was talking about his music and how great it is. However, I only knew of a few Jack Johnson songs at the time...

Bold. Really bold move, eh? No, no. Actually quite weak, pretty spineless. I have always been kind of spineless. Afraid of conflict and offending other people, always trying to please others so they don't think negatively of me. I just realized i'm a people pleaser... in fact, I researched traits of people pleasers---part of the problem is that I never really considered the concept of what a people pleaser really is...

-I habitually give in to others because I can't stand the thought of upsetting them.
-I put my needs aside because I get a "buzz" from other people's happiness, even when they are not grateful or even realize the lengths I have gone to to make them happy. (from WikiHow.com)

That is a classic pushover/tool/gutless/spineless individual.

My conversation with that cute guy may have ended if I told him I wasn't familiar with Jack Johnson. But, what if I just said, "Not that into Jack, but how about Sublime?" or "You should burn me his CD, I'd like to listen to more of his music."??? That might have made for better conversation (and maybe a phone number) instead of me just saying, "yeah I love Jack Johnson he's great... uh... yeah," and then running off ashamed and avoiding further conversation about an artist I don't know much about.

Well, it has been about 3 years since that embarrassing moment... I am now a HUGE fan of Jack Johnson (honestly, I am, ask me about his music... you bet I'll know the answer)... and I'm still working on growing a spine.

But what do you do when you truly enjoy and WANT to help/please others, and not just because we feel we should? This is a tough one... hopefully I'll figure it out soon. And when I do, I'll blog it out.

Waking Up

My Great Grandma and Great Grandad are getting very old. Both hitting their early 90s. They live a peaceful life in a British countryside town called Sturminster Newton in Dorset, England. I wish I couldn't count on my two hands the amount of times I have actually seen them. However, I know enough about them to have heard great stories about their adventurous life, and that I now have a valuable insight into figuring out what really matters in life:

Every day when they wake early in the morning, they stare into each others' eyes, give each other a kiss, and say,

Well, we both woke up again...
...together in this world.

I will have this kind of love one day. However long I have to wait---it will be completely worth it.

It will be worth waking up one day and realizing this kind of love isn't just a distant fairytale-like story I heard from my grandparents.

How great will it be to tell my children and grandchildren the same thing, giving them the same hope and confidence in realizing that reality and fairytale may not be so different after all.

SO Wasted. Gonna Get So Trashed.

I'm laying here in bed in a guest room at my grandparents' home in Austin, TX. I can't explain how good it's been to get away and spend quality time with my Texas family. I've alsp had a good amount of time to spend alone and reflect on life and forget about problems back home. It's been good to imagine what life will be like this time next year, away from Cali, in TX or NY.

But I do miss two things right now (the first is obvious): 1) my family (mom, dad, jon, jos, jase) and 2) my computer.

But the computer thing hasn't been all that bad. I thought I was more of a slave to technology--and maybe I am--but it's not as bad as I first suspected. For example, although I have the ability to walk across the hall or go downstairs to use a desktop with high-speed internet access, I have instead limited myself to using my cell phone. I have only updated Facebook status's and checked work email. well, I did try to do a mobile upload of this cute cowboy I spotted... but that's another story.

I'm slowly getting to a point here, and it's not as easy as I thought... so i'll just say it.

As I said, I am doing great with limited internet access, and there are certain things about it that I DO NOT look forward to coming back to...

What is it with people who feel they must anounce via Facebook/MySpace status how drunk they are, will be, or were? What is the point?! I don't get it. Okay, I can understand being drunk and in the moment typing in a funny status message about being tipsy. Most of us are pretty shameless when we've been drinking. But before and after when you are sober and/or hungover? Who the F cares!

What kind of statement are you trying to make? Does giving off a fun, partying, alcoholic vibe make you a fun, cool person? What is the motive? Whatever it is, it probably won't fool people unless it is making yourself look like a fool that causes you to self disclose such potentially humiliating information.

It's one thing to get drunk and have a good time, and then talk about it with friends the next day. But c'mon, posting status's like, "dude so hungover" or "getting wasted tonight" is pathetic.

Well, i'm off... goin' to DTF to party hardy and get crunk. Ya'll are gonna miss out! But no worries, i'll take plenty of pics and post'em on Facebook tomorrow after I puke my gutts out and recover from an icky hangover. But it'll be so worth it! ;) oh and plz comment--especially on the pic of me when I make out with the toilet, you know, right before I pass out in urine and after I slip in puke.

We've all been there (some worse than others)... but does everyone have to know about it? Even if people don't see it because they missed the newsfeed or don't care to look, are you still ok with this information being so easily accessible for anyone to see?

The Glass is Half Full

January 7, 2009 - 9:30am

I wake up early (early for intersession) and decide to go to Panera Bread for a breakfast souffle and coffee. I bring my notebook to try and catch up on some work for the TSU Governing Board.

It's a beautiful day already, which always seems to bring a sense of hope. Things are starting to look up, maybe I can get through this after all. I sit next to a window to speed up the healing effects that the sun can have on a broken soul. I try to ignore the cars parked on the other side of the glass, but they are a menace and distraction, so my attention turns to a conversation at the table to my right:

...I saw my son's head [peering] above the kitchen counter as he reached for a glass of water, and asked him, 'what are you standing on over there, buddy?' He then walked around the counter---I realized he was standing on nothing...

He hadn't noticed how tall his son had grown over the years. After eavesdropping some more, I found out that the woman he was spilling his guts to was a financial adviser. The kind-faced Asian-American dad is the owner of a store and has suffered financial consequences as a result of the damaged economy.

Poor guy, I couldn't imagine having to negotiate with a stranger about my financial future. Telling someone that I've missed out on my children's lives because of being so overworked, and feeling like "my kids look at me like, 'who are you?' when I come home." I couldn't imagine being so desperate that I felt I needed to lay out all my insecurities and become completely vulnerable.

I didn't stick around for the entire conversation, it was too depressing. But I hope the glass of water became half full after the 40-something-year-old slaughtered his pride by getting help from a girl who is young enough to be his daughter.

To Mom (and Dad and Jonathan)

This song describes my relationship with my mom very well, as well as my dad and brother. My mom is amazing and always gets me through the toughest times. Thank you mom, I love you with all my heart. And my dad and bro are the only men in my life who have exemplified what qualities to look for in a soul mate who has character and integrity. This is my family... we may not be perfect, but we are the closest to perfect that we can be...

xoxo

The Best Day

i’m five years old it’s getting cold i’ve Got my big coat on
i hear yOur laugh and look up smiling at you i run and run
past the pumpkin patch and the tractor riDes look now the sky is gold
i hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

i don’t know why all the trees change in the fall
i know you’re not scared of anything at all
don’t know if snow white’s house is near or far away
but i know i had the Best day with you today

i’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
and we drive and drive untiL we found a town far enough away
and wE talk and window shop till i forgot all their nameS

i don’t know who i’m gonna talk to now at School
but i know i’m lAughing on the car ride home with you
don’t know how long it’s goNna take to feel ok
but i know i had the best day with you today

i have an excellent father
his strength is making me stronger
goD smiles on my little brother
inside and out he’s better than i am

i gRew up in a pretty house and i had space to run
and i had the bEst days with you

there is a video i found from bAck when i was three
you set up a paint Set in the kitchen and you’re talking to me
it’s the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dWarfs
daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady In the whole wide world

now i know why all the trees change in the Fall
i know you were on my side even when i was wrong
and i love you for giving me your eyes
sTaying back and watching me shine and i didn’t know if you knew
so i’m taking this chance to say that i had the best day with you today

-Taylor Swift

Shape of My Heart

Oh when I look to the shape of my heart,
It's separated only by scars
That cut in and cut out
Oh and leave me without
Oh a heart that functions at all.

And when I look to the shape of the sky,
I give thanks for this hollow chest of mine;
That I no longer feel
The great weight of ordeals
That can make this life so unkind

Oh and if there's any love in me,
Don't let it show.
Oh and if there's any love in me,
Don't let it grow.

Oh when the wild was all covered by snow,
I forgot the colours that the grass tend to grow.
Oh the trees were all leafless,
And lifeless and black,
And I wondered if the leaves could grow back

For your heart is like a flower as it grows,
And its the rain, not just the sun that helps it bloom,
And you don't know how it feels to be alive,
Until you know how it feels to die

-Noah and the Whale, Shape of My Heart