Looking for an update? I've been M.I.A. on here, as well as in real life, so here's an update of everything that's happened since February, for those who want to know...
Went to Texas A&M Feb. 27-28th to interview for grad school/grad assistant - was offered 1-1 match (top choice) position as a grad assistant for Texas A&M's student union programs
Lost phone, camera, and ID
Lost school binder
Lost prescription glasses
Went to NYC to interview for grad assistanships at NYU - was offered my top choice position as a part-time advisor/orientation programs grad assistant
Backed into a friend's car in Downtown Fullerton
Car broke down... currently in search of a new car/means of transportation
Applied for the Amazing Race and made a hilarious audition video
Got my first passport!
Going to Cancun in May for my graduation present! Can't wait
Decided to accept the offer at TEXAS A&M... moving there in early August (scared to death)
Searching for apartments in College Station, TX. Eeeeeek. Crazy times.
Went to a racetrack for the first time and bet for the first time on Cali Girl #6 (she lost)
HOLLYWOOD (speeding all the way there, Kress, mansions, sleeping in car, acting like celebrities, seeing/meeting C-list celebrities, creepy pizza people, greasy hot dogs, neverending searches for parking!!!!)
$4 bottles of Andre Champagne (frozen champagne, champagne pong, champagne-soaked purse, champagne in a movie theater, champagne in bathroom, pop champagne)
Basketball games
Tokyo Delves
DTF
Taqueria De Andaaaaaaaa
Baby Jase is 6 months old!!!!!!!!!
$5 Footlongs
All nighters/living in my office
Anything I'm forgetting? ADD IT IN A COMMENT!!!! :) I want to remember any and all memories from this last semester of college!
So, I started the following blog (it's in bold, didn't get too far) waaaay back in September '08 and never got around to finishing my thoughts on this. I don't remember what the moral of it was supposed to be, but I can think of one now. But, SO much has happened since then. I have changed, evolved, and learned so much about myself and about other people... I once told this really cute guy at a party that I liked Jack Johnson because he was talking about his music and how great it is. However, I only knew of a few Jack Johnson songs at the time...
Bold. Really bold move, eh? No, no. Actually quite weak, pretty spineless. I have always been kind of spineless. Afraid of conflict and offending other people, always trying to please others so they don't think negatively of me. I just realized i'm a people pleaser... in fact, I researched traits of people pleasers---part of the problem is that I never really considered the concept of what a people pleaser really is...
-I habitually give in to others because I can't stand the thought of upsetting them. -I put my needs aside because I get a "buzz" from other people's happiness, even when they are not grateful or even realize the lengths I have gone to to make them happy. (from WikiHow.com)
That is a classic pushover/tool/gutless/spineless individual.
My conversation with that cute guy may have ended if I told him I wasn't familiar with Jack Johnson. But, what if I just said, "Not that into Jack, but how about Sublime?" or "You should burn me his CD, I'd like to listen to more of his music."??? That might have made for better conversation (and maybe a phone number) instead of me just saying, "yeah I love Jack Johnson he's great... uh... yeah," and then running off ashamed and avoiding further conversation about an artist I don't know much about.
Well, it has been about 3 years since that embarrassing moment... I am now a HUGE fan of Jack Johnson (honestly, I am, ask me about his music... you bet I'll know the answer)... and I'm still working on growing a spine.
But what do you do when you truly enjoy and WANT to help/please others, and not just because we feel we should? This is a tough one... hopefully I'll figure it out soon. And when I do, I'll blog it out.
My Great Grandma and Great Grandad are getting very old. Both hitting their early 90s. They live a peaceful life in a British countryside town called Sturminster Newton in Dorset, England. I wish I couldn't count on my two hands the amount of times I have actually seen them. However, I know enough about them to have heard great stories about their adventurous life, and that I now have a valuable insight into figuring out what really matters in life:
Every day when they wake early in the morning, they stare into each others' eyes, give each other a kiss, and say,
Well, we both woke up again... ...together in this world.
I will have this kind of love one day. However long I have to wait---it will be completely worth it.
It will be worth waking up one day and realizing this kind of love isn't just a distant fairytale-like story I heard from my grandparents.
How great will it be to tell my children and grandchildren the same thing, giving them the same hope and confidence in realizing that reality and fairytale may not be so different after all.
I'm laying here in bed in a guest room at my grandparents' home in Austin, TX. I can't explain how good it's been to get away and spend quality time with my Texas family. I've alsp had a good amount of time to spend alone and reflect on life and forget about problems back home. It's been good to imagine what life will be like this time next year, away from Cali, in TX or NY.
But I do miss two things right now (the first is obvious): 1) my family (mom, dad, jon, jos, jase) and 2) my computer.
But the computer thing hasn't been all that bad. I thought I was more of a slave to technology--and maybe I am--but it's not as bad as I first suspected. For example, although I have the ability to walk across the hall or go downstairs to use a desktop with high-speed internet access, I have instead limited myself to using my cell phone. I have only updated Facebook status's and checked work email. well, I did try to do a mobile upload of this cute cowboy I spotted... but that's another story.
I'm slowly getting to a point here, and it's not as easy as I thought... so i'll just say it.
As I said, I am doing great with limited internet access, and there are certain things about it that I DO NOT look forward to coming back to...
What is it with people who feel they must anounce via Facebook/MySpace status how drunk they are, will be, or were? What is the point?! I don't get it. Okay, I can understand being drunk and in the moment typing in a funny status message about being tipsy. Most of us are pretty shameless when we've been drinking. But before and after when you are sober and/or hungover? Who the F cares!
What kind of statement are you trying to make? Does giving off a fun, partying, alcoholic vibe make you a fun, cool person? What is the motive? Whatever it is, it probably won't fool people unless it is making yourself look like a fool that causes you to self disclose such potentially humiliating information.
It's one thing to get drunk and have a good time, and then talk about it with friends the next day. But c'mon, posting status's like, "dude so hungover" or "getting wasted tonight" is pathetic.
Well, i'm off... goin' to DTF to party hardy and get crunk. Ya'll are gonna miss out! But no worries, i'll take plenty of pics and post'em on Facebook tomorrow after I puke my gutts out and recover from an icky hangover. But it'll be so worth it! ;) oh and plz comment--especially on the pic of me when I make out with the toilet, you know, right before I pass out in urine and after I slip in puke.
We've all been there (some worse than others)... but does everyone have to know about it? Even if people don't see it because they missed the newsfeed or don't care to look, are you still ok with this information being so easily accessible for anyone to see?
I wake up early (early for intersession) and decide to go to Panera Bread for a breakfast souffle and coffee. I bring my notebook to try and catch up on some work for the TSU Governing Board.
It's a beautiful day already, which always seems to bring a sense of hope. Things are starting to look up, maybe I can get through this after all. I sit next to a window to speed up the healing effects that the sun can have on a broken soul. I try to ignore the cars parked on the other side of the glass, but they are a menace and distraction, so my attention turns to a conversation at the table to my right:
...I saw my son's head [peering] above the kitchen counter as he reached for a glass of water, and asked him, 'what are you standing on over there, buddy?' He then walked around the counter---I realized he was standing on nothing...
He hadn't noticed how tall his son had grown over the years. After eavesdropping some more, I found out that the woman he was spilling his guts to was a financial adviser. The kind-faced Asian-American dad is the owner of a store and has suffered financial consequences as a result of the damaged economy.
Poor guy, I couldn't imagine having to negotiate with a stranger about my financial future. Telling someone that I've missed out on my children's lives because of being so overworked, and feeling like "my kids look at me like, 'who are you?' when I come home." I couldn't imagine being so desperate that I felt I needed to lay out all my insecurities and become completely vulnerable.
I didn't stick around for the entire conversation, it was too depressing. But I hope the glass of water became half full after the 40-something-year-old slaughtered his pride by getting help from a girl who is young enough to be his daughter.
This song describes my relationship with my mom very well, as well as my dad and brother. My mom is amazing and always gets me through the toughest times. Thank you mom, I love you with all my heart. And my dad and bro are the only men in my life who have exemplified what qualities to look for in a soul mate who has character and integrity. This is my family... we may not be perfect, but we are the closest to perfect that we can be...
xoxo
The Best Day
i’m five years old it’s getting cold i’ve Got my big coat on i hear yOur laugh and look up smiling at you i run and run past the pumpkin patch and the tractor riDes look now the sky is gold i hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home
i don’t know why all the trees change in the fall i know you’re not scared of anything at all don’t know if snow white’s house is near or far away but i know i had the Best day with you today
i’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean i come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys and we drive and drive untiL we found a town far enough away and wE talk and window shop till i forgot all their nameS
i don’t know who i’m gonna talk to now at School but i know i’m lAughing on the car ride home with you don’t know how long it’s goNna take to feel ok but i know i had the best day with you today
i have an excellent father his strength is making me stronger goD smiles on my little brother inside and out he’s better than i am
i gRew up in a pretty house and i had space to run and i had the bEst days with you
there is a video i found from bAck when i was three you set up a paint Set in the kitchen and you’re talking to me it’s the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dWarfs daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady In the whole wide world
now i know why all the trees change in the Fall i know you were on my side even when i was wrong and i love you for giving me your eyes sTaying back and watching me shine and i didn’t know if you knew so i’m taking this chance to say that i had the best day with you today
Oh when I look to the shape of my heart, It's separated only by scars That cut in and cut out Oh and leave me without Oh a heart that functions at all.
And when I look to the shape of the sky, I give thanks for this hollow chest of mine; That I no longer feel The great weight of ordeals That can make this life so unkind
Oh and if there's any love in me, Don't let it show. Oh and if there's any love in me, Don't let it grow.
Oh when the wild was all covered by snow, I forgot the colours that the grass tend to grow. Oh the trees were all leafless, And lifeless and black, And I wondered if the leaves could grow back
For your heart is like a flower as it grows, And its the rain, not just the sun that helps it bloom, And you don't know how it feels to be alive, Until you know how it feels to die
(I’ve been working on this blog entry intermittently for about a month now, and “stupid” is the best description of dating I can think of)
Yes, stupid. I should know. I've played several games of "Date the Boy to See if He's Right for You." I've tried dating here and there, since I was 15, and by doing so I have found that the only sure way of finding that true connection is by doing anything but dating.
Now, now. Hold on. Let me explain.
Okay, so you say... isn't dating a good way to practice? Isn't it a good way to find out what you want and don't want in a potential mate?
The straight-up honest answer: Yes. Yes, you will certainly find out what youalready know you don’t want in a guy/girl. That's a guarantee. If you want to take a long, meaningless, waste-of-time detour that does nothing but rip you from your smooth journey of finding that perfect person---then go for it.
Dating is a game, people. And that means somebody must lose. The pressure is on both sides to come out victorious. You are not in your right mind! You're just trying to impress the other person. Yes, both of you may be honest and true to yourselves, but you are magnifying yourselves 100x and playing up your good side--only to be disappointed in the end. Yes, the end.
The guy will treat the girl for the first several dates out of obligation (or for sex). The girl will act sweet and innocent and appreciative out of obligation (or for sex). They'll act playful and show their sense of humor (an absolute must at the top of that "criteria list"). That's what everyone does on dates, right? Gotta get that part out of the way, it's a crucial step of the dating process that a couple-to-be (or not-to-be) must never skip over. Oh, the sweet satisfaction of filling in that mental checklist with check marks. Sense of humor? Check. Cute smile? Check. Doesn't talk too much? Check. The one? Not sure yet, I'll get back to you.
So, the first several dates are a warm up, an introduction to Jane's sweet side and John's sensitive side. They both passed the first interview, made their first impression, and now it's time to show their true colors. This is where we find out months (or weeks) later that Jane and John were not meant to be.
Jane reaffirms that she isn't into men who part their greasy hair down the middle like Moses parting the Red Sea. And John remembers that he forgot he can't stand women who try to act cute when they sneeze by halfway holding it in.
Waste of time and money. Why bother taking the time and frustrating effort of looking for somebody as if you are walking down the aisles of a grocery store shopping without a shopping list? Your chances are better the moment you walk out of Ralph’s and just let go. Go grab some Chipotle and don’t worry about it.
Take my parents, for example:
They were friends at work for a couple years until they started seeing each other. They already took the steps of getting to know each other and--get this—they never experienced the pressure they would have had if they started off with dating. Yes, they both had mini-crushes on each other, but whenever one of them was single, the other was dating somebody else. So, they never expected to be anything more than friends. And that's how they fell in love!
Their friendshipaccomplished what dating could never do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no Mother Theresa or Jesus. I don't necessarily practice what I preach. Actually, I have to admit, I am dating someone right now. I have my checklist in mind and he's doing damn well. I just wish I knew him before there was any pressure of a relationship. I’d much rather be friends with someone and truly know them, and then realize I love them in a silly, ordinary moment that tells me I loved them all along.
I know the difference between falling for someone who you've gotten to know in a real, down-to-earth, genuine way; rather than being infatuated with someone, hoping to get to the point where you can be yourself, and then finally getting to know them in that real, down-to-earth, genuine sort of way.
Dating is like shoe shopping. You go in thinking you know what kind of shoes you are looking for, because you saw them in the JCPenny catalog. It’s the pair of heels that will go perfect with any outfit, they will be the envy of your friends, and your mom will think they’re adorable. But then you get there and you find all kinds of other shoes and start wondering if you really wanted those heels in the first place. You try about twenty or thirty pairs on; flat, tall, black, brown, white, shiny, leather, etc. Oh it was fun alright. But it was exhausting and you realize you were right all along. You didn’t have to try on all those other shoes to find out what you already knew you wanted.
I recently read a dating blog, in which someone wrote:
There is something sad about going on a few dates with a
guy and realizing he isn't for you.
It means it's back to "being out there."
You sigh as you think: "How many more losers do I have
to date until I find the one?"
Honey, read my blog. I'm going to try and kiss meaningless dating goodbye, I've wasted too much time looking (probably not much compared to most people); but I'm proud to say I've kept the most precious thing I could give to my husband. What is it? Eh'm... that’s for him to find out.
So me and my group of besties had our 3rd annual Christmas bash. We're such grown ups, with our little traditions of bringing appetizers, playing games, and of course having a few beverages. We have our specialties... Vee brings her famous wantons, I bring the stuffed tomatoes, Mariana with her empanadas, Kayla's artichoke dip, etc. I think Katie and Tristan's specialty should continue with the Jell-O shots.
One of the highlights of the night...
playing Partini: in this part of the game everyone had to write down something about me with an "I have..." statement. PRICELESS...
Other highlights of the night:
-FOOD -cry fest 2008 -trying to call Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Round Table, and Little Caesars at 4am -staying up until 6:30am -playing Partini -white elephant gift exchange... stealing my Disaronno and Jagermeister back from Hideki :) -Jell-O shots -"you just have to finger it" -making quesadillas with bean dip "quesadilla pizza" or "cheessdtoy." -7 minute drunken video with kelly -EDAMAME -Kelly predicting that we were going to get "caught" by mariana -getting "caught" by mariana... big trouble, game over, cutthroat
Like always, I have a lot to be grateful for. I am thankful for my friends, and was glad to be able to communicate that through sending and receiving plenty of text messages and a few hilarious phone calls (Sammie pretending she was me when Manny called, drunken call from NYC [I won't name names!], and "Pops" in Montana).
I was especially happy to share the company of 3 new people joining us at the dinner table: My brother's girlfriend Joslyn, her brother Jordan, and my baby nephew Jase.
It always amazes me how neat it is to have new people come into your life out of nowhere. As soon as they become a part of your life, you just can't imagine life without them. People can REALLY change your life. For example, it's sad to think that I could have lived life without ever knowing Joslyn or her brother; something as simple as Jonathan never asking Joslyn on a date would have obliterated any chance of me knowing her. Don't even get me started on thinking about Jase never being born.
I could have easily decided to go to SDSU after graduating high school. I am sure I would have met great people there and confident I would be able to call someone over there a best friend. However, a part of me strongly believes that those I've met as a result of choosing to go to CSUF are better than anybody else I could have possibly met elsewhere. I've had such great people come into my life, that I don't ever wonder who I could have met or what life would be like if I were somewhere else. And as I attempt to imagine life right now in another location, I just feel sad... which brings me to the conclusion that I am happy where I am right now, the people I am proud to call friends, and the opportunities soon to come as I prepare for the next adventure in life--grad school.
Well, that's my philosophical reflection of the day, triggered by the holiday and a few glasses of wine at the dinner table.
Now for some photographs that summerize the day and those I LOVE SO MUCH...
The "kids"...
Grandpa wishes he had this hair... ewww
The handsome gents...
The beautiful ladies...
DINNER...
Sammie piggin' out...
Ha Ha.
GREAT Grandma!
Cousins
LOVE <3 src="http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d174/hltripper/100_1219.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0">
I've been on blog recess due to the extreme pressures of school and finding myself behind on everything... utterly impossible to catch up.
I am drowning in papers and reading and my eyes are about to explode from staring at the computer screen all day.
I am taking a momentary break to let you know that very soon, when I have resentfully given in to the work that is required to earn a degree and ultimately my graduate degree, I will tell you why all the learning outside of class has been the most valuable learning experience in my 5 years of college.
Until then, wish me luck. Hope for my tension headache to scram. Keep me in your thoughts as I go back into hiding. :)
Good news! Well, it's not exactly "news" considering this is old information. However, it may be "news" to YOU...
Anyone can comment on blog posts--even non-members of Blogger.com!
I have recieved verbal comments, Facebook comments, and MySpace messages commenting on my blogs... and that's fine! Any comment is a good comment.
A conversation with a friend yesterday:
Friend: Holly, I've been reading your blogs and think they're great! I wanted to comment but I couldn't 'cause you have to be a member and I didn't feel like signing up.
Holly: Really? Thanks! But you don't have to be a member of Blogger to comment on blog posts!
So, unknown readers, my message to you today... comment, comment, and comment some more! Comment ANONYMOUSLY, non-anonymously, or as a member.
It's good to know when our blogs make sense, when they don't make sense, when they're stupid, or when a reader really connects with your writing. It means the world to us bloggers, it feeds our "writer's ego" and makes us not only want to write more, but to write better!
:)
P.S. COMING SOON...
When You Say, "F&@! the Police"...
My 3 "Types" of Friends
Grad School Application Process = A Part-Time Job
Why Dating is Stupid
What the---Student Affairs? What's That?
"Blogging" is a Nerdy Word!
My Political Stances--You May Be Surprised!
Campus Tours, Working With Plumbers, and Running a Building
Yes, there is a reason for the title of my blog. And yes, it is also the title of a song... a very good song by The Airborne Toxic Event. I recommend you listen to it on iTunes if you haven't heard it yet.
Sometime Around Midnight...
-Anytime between 11:00pm and 2:00am. -Prime time for deep thought and reflection. -Sometimes, the hours around midnight can be extremely lonely. -Other times, you are surrounded by the of best friends. -Midnight can bring extreme joy when you're...
dancing at a club in Hollywood, and finding the most random bars in L.A.
sipping a glass of sangria with a friend during the summer.
watching a movie with family, warm and cozy by the fire, on a chilly winter evening.
at a Jack In the Box or Taqueria De Anda drive-thru after an adventurous night on the town.
ice cold in New York City, tipsy, feet killing you, but you keep going because you and your friends are retracing your steps from the night before and looking for the "count up" sign.
playing Mad Gab, Apples to Apples, Taboo and sipping on "doodles" while yelling out answers and arguing whether she said "debit" or "debt."
-But midnight will also bring extreme sadness when you're alone on New Year's, if you can't sleep because you're longing to be with the one you love or someone you miss, you're stuck on the 57 fwy with a flat tire, or when you're working on 10 page paper or studying for an exam the next day. -The sudden inspiration to write often occurs sometime around midnight.
Midnight is a pivotal time. It's really odd if you think about it. You're moving into the future, into another day that still hasn't seen the light of day. You're in between a day that you have lived and are continuing, and continuing into the next day that you have yet to complete. You have the opportunity to catch a glimpse into the next 24 hours. In a way, you have a head start.
Midnight is when I take the most risks. When I am home around midnight, sometimes I'll sit on the porch and just think, other times I'll go for a drive and find a vantage point overlooking the city. It's when my senses are the most sensitive. If I were to go outside right now, I could savor the smell of the moist evening air, and the light scent of the plants and roses in the front yard will smell stronger than they do in the daylight.
Midnight... I feel so alive, even in my deadest moments. Therefore, it is naturally the most ideal time for me to blog, because I am inspired and can think with clarity.
It is a beautiful, crisp, clear, cool day in October. What a wonderful complement to an incredible moment in life.
Jase is my angel.
I cried today as his mommy and daddy (my brother) took him out for the first time since he came home. He was so cute in his little LA Dodgers beanie cap, and "MVP" onesies. I can't explain why I cried. I just know that as I think about this precious, fragile new life living here in my house, he has suddenly become my whole world. I am so happy for Jonathan (Daddy) and Joslyn (Mommy), I can only imagine the extreme joy they feel. I can see it on their faces. It's like Christmas---but far better!
This baby boy is my world. I am crying as I type this... He is so precious and I never knew how much this would effect me until now. Every time I look at him, tears of joy stream down my face. I think I've done a good job at hiding it ;). I can't stop looking at him, and thinking about the life he has ahead of him.
As Jon carefully strapped Jase into his car seat, Joslyn joined him in the back. The love and care they have for Jase is amazing. Jase has brought out the absolute best in my family over the past week. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders and we can all be happy. We can all share the joy.
I am so happy that Jon, Jos, and Jase are living with us for the time being. I couldn't imagine it any other way. What a blessing. I am so grateful to be able to spend the first year of Jase's life in the same home before I leave for grad school.
Jase has saved me. I'm not numb anymore, I am truly happy right now. :)
There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:
Once in a while I allow myself to get lost in an imagination that sometimes meets reality. I KNOW it's a bit dramatic, but that is how I write =)
My heart is a delicate flower petal in the hands of a curious child, a descending bubble in a field of dead grass, a helpless spider web in the path of an approaching tornado. It won't take much to damage any further what's left of this tired, unsteady, fragile heart.It hurts.It's painful; I can feel the intense, torturous throbbing that builds up and causes the sensation of tears budding in my eyes.
Echoes of hidden sobs are enveloped in a bubble trapped in my lungs, about to burst out through the vocals.Saliva accumulates around my lips as if I were a dog smelling a juicy slice of raw meat. Yet these moist lips are not the result of an appetite---I couldn't bear to eat right now.It is when the detained sobs finally escape, exploding from my chest, that the liquid drips from my mouth and eyes, all over my pillow. I don't care that my face is stuffed into a soggy pillow covered with smears of black and beige make-up on the white fabric, nor when I realize how pathetic I look curled in a ball while feet spasm uncontrollably like someone with a nervous twitch.
I begin to feel the rippled edges of a sharp knife slowly leaching into my barely beating heart.Yet no red liquid has escaped from my chest, telling me there is no knife.How do I experience this invisible, dreadful pain that reality tells me is not happening? I dofeel it when I think about it. The emotional and mental pain is so great that there is no other way to experience this suffering. There is no other variation of tears or crying, no other way of cringing into a ball to contain the pain. The only way to experience this great of a supposed non-physical pain is to actually begin to feel it physically, within the most vital organ of the body. This is the only explanation comparable to the ache I am experiencing.I love someone that doesn't seem to love me back.
And it is quite possible that it is because I am too spineless to tell someone how much I care.It is excruciating not being able to tell a soul in the world; utterly unbearable. I haven't been the same for a few months now. I know people can tell the difference.I'm not the same cheerful, happy, warm Holly.I feel like a blue eyed zombie.I have the soul of an old, bitter, cranky widow. All I want to do is sleep.I avoid my schoolwork, and am so behind it is almost useless to try and catch up.
My eyes haven't been the same, either.They are a clogged bathtub of running water about to reach its capacity.Any heavy object that enters the flooded tub will cause the water to gush over the edge and spill over.That heavy object is quickly approaching and I don't know that I can bear it when it happens.Sometimes I think I am better.But the thought of consciously believing I am better causes me to slip back into thinking about it.
I'm not a romantic, but shit these are real feelings that I never thought I would feel. This feeling of complete vulnerability isn't worth it, even though my heart tells me it is. It's the same heart that endures all this pain... now what in the hell is that supposed to mean?
